Today, it is Valentine’s Day! and I always hated that day because it is not a celebration of Love but a celebration of Business of Love. Love don’t need a special day to be expressed.
Unfortunately as I am still single and I have no idea how to express what I feel to a girl that could be my girlfriend, I am generally “too shy”. It is more complicated that shyness, I have blocages that are invisible but real to talk to people, when I don’t feel in confidence with myself and my environment.
I force me to talk to people which is most of time a loss and a disappointment because I always feel like being misunderstood or people do not care about what I told them, after few times. I wish I could express what I feel to a girl one day, before another guy does and that girl accept me as I am.
As I can say to my relatives, I do not suffer from “friend solitude”, I have spent most of my time alone since my childhood, and I am okay with that. The kind of solitude I cannot stand anymore is about solitude generated by the lack of love feelings… I have to admit that to be loved by someone and to love someone are things that make me scared. I have a very very short relationship (fifteen days) with a wonderful girl. But when she left me, nearly five years ago, it destroyed me, and I think it is still destroying me. I cannot explained really why.
That is why I hate Valentine’s Day! I think I would probably still hate it even if I was in relationship with the best girl of the world. Have a good day, and a happy Valentine’s Day if you are in a relationship.